When I started this series of telling mom’s cancer story, I don’t think I was prepared for how hard it was going to be. I guess I thought I could spout it all out w/out hesitation, grief, resurfacing pain, and unrelenting tears. I guess I wasn’t really thinking at all. In the midst of telling her story, I have hit a wall. Over a month ago, I had tried to continue and ended up paralyzed and crying all day. I completely underestimated how hard this was going to be.
I’m at the point in the story where we finally reach my wedding day… hence the ‘wall’ I have smashed into. I hate thinking about our wedding. I physically get sick and wince at the thought and memories of those days. However, it is a big part of the story (at least for me). But I’m having trouble ‘going there’. It is a huge source of pain, regret, and hurt… therefore, being a huge obstacle to overcome.
I’ve decided to stick to the basics b/c I simply cannot share everything. It is far too painful and emotional for me. It gets really messy and sticky if I start telling too much of the story. It's not that I can't talk about it period, it's just that I can't put everything into words. I've managed to get a small part out and have decided to leave the rest alone for now. I need to move on.
More to come in the next post...
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On a side note: In case you did or did not notice, I changed 'Sharon's Story' to 'Sharon's {cancer} Story' as I have realized that I want to continue to share mom's story (as she has a good one to tell) even after I've shared all of her cancer story. I wanted to keep the name but distinguish the two series.
Sounds of 2013
12 years ago
Bless your heart, its understandable. I look forward to reading your blogs. I love the way you write, and i enjoy learning more about you! You write what you want, and feel. Go at your own pace.
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