The girls were staying w/ me on her 49th birthday. We decided we would celebrate by making cakes and decorating them in her memory. The girls drew pictures and wrote letters to their Nana. We even lit candles and sung 'happy birthday' to her.
I then took them to a beautiful overlook and we tied the letters/ pictures to balloons to send Nana birthday wishes in heaven. We talked about how she was having the best birthday she had ever had b/c she was at Home w/ Jesus and her Father. The girls collected mementos from that day (a feather and flower) that they thought Nana had sent them. It was a beautiful way to remember her on her birthday.
Right before that birthday, I sent out a poem and a copy of mom's last documented thoughts to each person in my family w/ a picture specific to them w/ mom. I told myself that I would plan something special for each one of her birthdays. I wanted to keep the celebration of her birth... her life, alive.
I feel so bad that I haven't planned anything this year (and previous years). I've been working more here lately and just haven't had the time or energy to do anything meaningful in her memory. And it's hard to plan something when I feel so alone and separated from those who do care about her and things like this.
This isn't the way it was supposed to be. It doesn't feel right. You're not supposed to forget birthdays or let them go unnoticed... unannounced. It feels like all traces of her are slowly fading...
I can't let that happen. I can't lose anymore of her than I already have.
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