As I was lying in bed last night, something descended on me so heavy – so strong… I felt it could smother me. Panic set in. My heart began to race. I tossed and turned – my attempt to wake Ryan to hold me. I thought maybe I’d be safe in his arms… maybe if he held me tight enough, it wouldn’t engulf me. Maybe it would leave and I could forget it’s pursuit of me and lose myself in his embrace.
Ryan didn’t wake up – so instead I found myself in another’s embrace. I cried out in pain as grief settled upon me. Her presence was so strong – her face so clear – her memory so alive. That’s when it’s intense and deep hold wrapped round me and I panicked for fear it would not let go. I cried and cried – then surprisingly, I slept.
With my slumber came dreams… and for those moments, grief was not there. We were together again. I saw her face, I heard her voice, and I felt her touch. Nothing had changed. We were at home – in that cabin in the woods. Just me and her, like it had always been.
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