Sharon's {cancer} Story: Late night talk

It was about 2 weeks after the first D-Day (Diagnosis Day). I had moved home at this point to help mom and her husband w/ work around the house and go to all the doctor appointments w/ her and what not.

On this particular night I was feeling so lost and lonely. I was so incredibly angry. I had just got off the phone w/ one of my best friends, in which I was yelling at her for everything that was going wrong in my life (isn’t it funny that you seem to hurt the ones you love most?). I had no idea how to deal w/ any of this. The short engagement w/ all the wedding plans on top of me not being available to actually ‘plan’ for the wedding was adding extra stress to me and Ryan’s already stressed out relationship. My sister was out doing God-knows-what and leaving her children in the midst of all the chaos. My mother’s husband was becoming increasingly weirder as each day passed. And in the midst, I felt like I was losing touch w/ my mom. I was at a breaking point and had went to the laundry room (the furthest room from my mom’s room) to have a good cry.

About 12:30am my mom (who couldn’t sleep from all the pain she was in) came to the living room and heard me crying. She made me sit on the couch by her and talk. It was so hard. I didn’t want her to see me like that b/c I knew she had more than enough to deal w/. But she was so sweet and so tender. She encouraged me to talk and we both just cried. I think that was the first time we had both acknowledged what was happening. I was terrified. I didn’t want to lose her.

I remember her being so calm and peaceful in that moment. We talked about heaven and how great it would be to be finally be w/ God. I remember mom staring off w/ a look in her eyes I hadn’t seen before, like she was really thinking about it. She really seemed at peace. She told me that she felt so torn about it all – on one hand she felt incredibly sad that her time here was coming to an end and not being able to do all the things she had planned on doing, but then, on the other hand, she was so delighted at the thought of being in Heaven w/ God forever. She pulled out a copy of some song lyrics I had made her for one of her favorite worship songs. It was the song ‘Word of God Speak’ by Mercy Me. We looked at the lyrics together and she shared w/ me one of her favorite lines in the song and why she loved it.

It was a good talk. It was one of the few I’d get to have w/ her while she was sick. I cherish this memory and thank God for allowing us these 2 special hours together.