A mother and her 'baby'

I wrote this post almost 2 years ago when I first started blogging. I thought I would share it here since it is the story of how I stumbled upon the picture above and why I love it so much (hence, why it is now my blog title picture):

May 14, 2008
The other night was one of the first nights in a long time that I let myself ‘go there’ in response to my mom. As I was driving home, a song came on the radio and I found myself turning it up louder and louder. I almost scolded myself for listening to it b/c the course was “one bourbon, one scotch, one beer”. I thought to myself – why in the world am I enjoying this song so much? Then I remembered, it wasn’t the words I liked – it was the memories that came w/ the song. Oddly enough, it was the sounds of my childhood – classic/southern rock is what my mom always listened and partied to. I always have good memories associated w/ that music b/c my mom was usually in a good mood when she was listening to it (probably b/c she had a buzz) – she would always cut up w/ us. We would sing, laugh, and watch her dance. She seemed happy, and alive. When I was in high school, I remember my best friend and I riding w/ my mom, all of us goofing off and singing ‘one bourbon, one scotch, one beer’. I loved the fact that my mom didn’t scold us for listening to it, but instead turned it up. She wasn’t promoting drinking – she was just having fun w/ us. And after that, whenever it was just me and her and that song came on, we’d laugh, turn it up and sing.

That hit me hard that night. I came home and put in my mom’s Bad Company CD (as I child I had most of these songs memorized b/c she listened to it so much!). Immediately, I was flooded w/ memories. I took out all our old pictures – something I haven’t done in a long time. I came across so many old pictures that I had rarely seen. I found one picture that I couldn’t tear myself away from. I just kept going back to it. It was the first time I had ever seen this picture.

I was 6 months old and my mom was 25 – my age now. Even now as I write, the image has been burned into my heart. My mom looks so young… so alive… so happy. This picture makes me feel loved. I feel like I am her joy. It makes me miss her terribly and remember how much she truly loved me. She was my biggest cheerleader. Anything I ever wanted to do… her baby girl could do it. She still called me her baby up till she died. I remember her introducing me to her clients or new people as her ‘baby’ – even though I was technically an adult! She’d say, “and this one is my baby”. She definitely had her own way of making me feel special. She was so proud of me…I could always see that in her eyes. I miss her love. Words couldn't describe what I mean by that word 'love'. It was her. It was the way only a mother can love her daughter… her baby girl.