July 30th...

This is not a fun or easy post to write - but I do want to share what has happened over these past few days.

Our summer (particularly July) had been so hectic and crazy. July 30th had been a day we were really looking forward to b/c that was the end of our travels and visits w/ family and signified a time of rest and preparing for baby Hewitt. I flew in from visiting family in TN and Ryan and I were looking forward to hearing our baby's heartbeat then going out to celebrate our 4 year anniversary along w/ this new chapter in our lives. We felt like we could breathe a sigh of relief after our 2nd prenatal visit and really start planning for this lil one. We were so close to the 2nd trimester.

But on that particular day, we found out that our lil baby was no longer w/ us. It's tiny heart had stopped beating 2 days prior to our check-up appointment. We were completely shocked, saddened, and disappointed. We were almost 12 weeks along and the baby measured 11 weeks and 4 days. The doctor said that the baby had some kind of chromosomal disorder and as a result, was not healthy enough to continue living. I'm still carrying the baby and will have to go in Tuesday for a D&C.

Ironically, I was w/ my sister in TN at her 2nd prenatal appointment listening to her baby's heartbeat on the day our baby's heart stopped beating... and just the night prior, I had had a dream about losing the baby.

These past few days have been so weird, leaving us w/ such odd feelings and emptiness. And it seems that every where we go, we see pregnant women, babies, and couple's picking out baby names together (yes - that's right, a couple sat right in front of Ryan at Starbucks tonight and proceeded to read a 'How to Pick Your Baby's Name' book out loud to each other (very loudly might I add).

As much as we didn't expect this, I feel like God did prepare our hearts though. More to come on that later. I don't want to end this post on a despairing note b/c Ryan and I do trust God w/ all that has happened and are learning to surrender our futures, dreams, and deepest desires to Him.

I may be taking a break from my Sharon's {cancer} Story and Pages from her story series. I had many posts planned to come out exactly 4 years to the date. But w/ this recent lost, I figured it wouldn't be the greatest idea to try and relive one of the hardest times in my life. My series will just have to be 'off' on the dates. My apologizes to anyone who was following and looking for the next post. I hope to continue it as soon as I feel up for it.