Reminders

The weeks since having the D&C have been up and down. My body has gone through a lot of odd changes… signs of losing a baby and no longer being pregnant. And I have learned that no matter what – I’m going to encounter reminders that I was once pregnant. I counted at least 9 women I knew were pregnant when I was expecting and I was excited about sharing the delightful experience w/ them… but now, I sit by, watch, and wait as they continue on as the wonderful miracle is at work w/in them.

I don’t want it to sound as though I am not excited or happy for their journey – for I am. And I certainly don’t want to be ‘protected’ from others’ stories as they experience the joys of motherhood. I really don’t think I can be ‘protected’, for there are a million reminders that make me sad or make me long to mother and carry a child, yet that is part of my journey.

I am still hopeful and excited for the work in others and even in the work that was once taking place in me. For I am changed for the better and I would never take it back or wish it had never happened. This pregnancy brought us a lot of joy and along w/ intense joy (and love) must come pain and sorrow… and I have learned that the pain and sorrow are well worth those moments of joy.