Sharon's {cancer} Story: Chemo

As I mentioned before, when we found out mom was sick in mid-June, I left school to come home and help take care of her. In the beginning, I took her to a lot of doctor's and radiation appointments. When we met w/ the oncologist, he pretty much told us that chemo would do little to help. None of the doctors really encouraged mom to follow through w/ chemo. Her radiation was simply for palliative reasons... no hopes of actually 'zapping' the cancer. And the main purpose for chemo was to 'kill' or slow down the cancer... in which in her case, it was already all over her body and in her bones.

This was all happening way too fast for us to comprehend and I think mom knew that she needed to try the chemo - at least for me and Tessa. We just wouldn't believe that there was nothing to be done. I remember staying up late one night calling places all over the country w/ cutting edge cancer technology hoping they could help mom. Mom overheard and yelled at me to get off the phone. We needed a miracle. I think we felt that if mom didn't at least try chemo that it would be the same of 'giving up'. So... mom did it.

About a week before my wedding in late July, mom went in for her first chemo treatment. I wasn't there. We had a big blow-out in which I stormed out and moved back to Cookeville. I couldn't believe I left w/out saying 'goodbye' or 'I love you'. I didn't stick around to resolve the fight - I just left. Of course I look back on that and kick myself. More to come on that later.


But I did find some pictures that 'R' had taken. She looks to be in good spirits at least. I know that it was anything but a pleasant experience for her. Looking back, I couldn't believe that me or Tessa wasn't there. We were so used to having mom be there for us... after all, she was the mom - that was her role. How were we, the little girls, supposed to be there for her? I know me and Tes were technically adults at the time (I was 22, Tes was 26). But when something like this happens and the one person that you have looked to your whole life starts slipping way... we immediately felt like little girls again.

I think mom knew that though. She always knew things like that... the unspoken things. She just had a way about her that was very intuitive. She had to know that me and Tes wanted to be there for her so bad, but didn't know how. She knew w/out a doubt how much we loved her. That I know.