Sharon's {cancer} Story: My mother's husband

Ok… well, I’ve alluded to this enough w/out actually getting into it. I wish this person was not part of my mother’s story – but he is and so happens to be the cause of a lot of chaos and turmoil surrounding mom’s sickness and death. I wish I could say that my mother had an incredible, loving husband who stuck by her side in sickness and in health - but what we saw was to the contrary...

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FYI: I have a lot of baggage and unresolved issues in this area b/c I am still very angry about all of this. In fact – my whole family is very angry (even my sweet old grandma!). If I refer to this person as satan (as I have for 4 yrs now), it’s b/c the damage this man purposely caused could be from none other than satan himself. Forgive me – but this is part of the story I must tell, as it is the stem of where a lot of my regrets come from.

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As I’ve mentioned before, my mother married again after I was in college. To her, this man was a perfect match. He had a past w/ women and drugs and used to be a biker. But, he had (supposedly) ‘found God’ and turned his life around. My mom had quite the rap-sheet as well. Actually, I think her past intimidated and maybe even scared a lot of her boyfriends – but this guy could handle it. Mom had recently ‘found God’, as well. She had quit smoking, drinking, and other bad habits. She was really trying to live a better life, dedicated to God… and wanted someone to do that w/. So, I guess I can see why she thought this man was a match for her.

The first time I met him, I could see right through him (as I could w/ most of mom’s boyfriends). I believe my exact words to mom after meeting him was, “why do you want to date a pedophile?” I told her to never leave him alone w/ Savannah and Cassidy b/c I was sure he would do something to them. I told her I wouldn’t even give him a chance if I didn’t get to talk to him about him laying his hands on my nieces – and I did. I had a long talk w/ him and told him how uncomfortable I was w/ him around my lil girls.

Anyways, jumping ahead… after they dated a short while – they were talking about marriage (something very rare for my mother who had had over 20 boyfriends in the past 15 yrs… none leading to marriage). I pissed her off b/c I told her I didn’t feel like he was the right man and I begged her not to do it. But, my mother is strong-headed and despite her wisdom and knowledge in most areas in life – it rarely translated over into her taste in men. So, they eventually married in 2003. She gave up her lil cabin in the woods (something she had worked so hard for) and eventually quit her job of 17yrs to move in w/ him and become the house wife she had always dreamed of being.

I think mom was in a stage in her life where she just wanted to settle down and be ‘taken care of’. She didn’t want to have to worry about bills, working, and being alone anymore. She was ready to be a full-time ‘Nana’ and grow old w/ someone. So, I guess I can’t blame her for trying.

Although ‘R’ was a manipulative snake – mom didn’t let him get away w/ much. Like I said, she was strong-willed and smart. We’d both call him on his 'BS' when we saw it and he’d cut it out. But when mom was sick – who was left to call him on all his shit and keep him in check? W/out the strong influence of my mother… this man slowly turned from a manipulative snake to a monster seeking destruction and dissention to no end…

Anyways, as my mother's (cancer) story progresses, more of 'satan's' destruction will unfold...