Prior to diagnosis: A failing body

**So, this is the last of this series. There really is so much I could share, but I figured I could save some of those stories for another time.**

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During the month of May my mom’s body literally began falling apart. Her back began hurting, along w/ wheezing and coughing. Then there were the headaches. Then all of a sudden her knee gave out. The doctors said she had pulled a rib while moving furniture and that was causing pain in her back… the coughing and wheezing were due to pneumonia… the pain in her knee was due to a tore ligament… and the headaches were due to a toothache. There was an excuse for everything.

At first, none of us were really concerned b/c we all get sick and then we get better – right? Then my sister called one day to say she had visited w/ mom. Tessa said that mom looked awful and was using a walker (!) to get around the house. I knew my mom wasn’t feeling well, but that was just odd. I remember calling her and asking why she hadn’t got better and why she had to use a walker. The doctors were supposedly treating each ailment – but she wasn’t getting better. After 3 different anti-biotics failed to rid her of the pneumonia and the third X-ray looked as worse as the first, I guess the only thing the doctors could do was more tests and a CT scan.

What they found was horrifying. I don’t think the doctors could even believe it. Mom had a huge mass in her left lung w/ dark spots and dark spots all over her bones. Two days before her actual diagnosis (the doctors knew but couldn’t say for sure until the report was done), mom was in so much pain but couldn’t get the meds she needed at the time – the doctor personally met them after hrs to load them up w/ whatever she needed b/c he knew how much pain she must have been in.

I can’t imagine. Her knee had given out on her b/c the cancer was eating away at the bones. She was in writhing pain from head to toe, b/c she was being eaten from head to toe. I know that sounds awful, but I don’t know how else to put it.

And I think that was the most shocking news to us – that the cancer had spread everywhere… literally. No hope. No good prognosis. No curative drugs. Just palliative treatment. It was such a shock to all of us. None of us could believe what was happening. It was the beginning of a horrific nightmare. A nightmare that still haunts me and my family. A nightmare that none of us could imagine and a nightmare for my mother to go through.

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**But not to despair – ‘weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning’ (Ps.30:5). Keep in mind that this story isn’t all horrific. While this part of my mother’s story is the ‘night’, I have to remember that His compassions are new every morning. I do not want to end this post w/out saying that I have learned that our God is a good God and how He loves us so! It may have taken me a long time to really believe that in my heart – but I know it to be true. And I have had some amazing, wonderful moments w/ my mom that far outweigh any of the hard times we’ve gone through together.
And remembering this dark ‘night’, even now, makes my heart swell w/ humble thankfulness to how gracious and loving God has been to me (and my mother) through all of this.**